Cut your hair! Damn punks.
I cannot help the fact that God bestowed me - and so few like me - with the
divine power of what does and does not look tack-tastic, but he did, and If I
didn’t use my powers for good what kind of person would that make me?
I spotted the faux-hawk a couple of days ago on a Frat boy.
Now, okay, fine, I did have a faux-hawk as recent as a couple of years ago, but
I maintained the fucker. You do not let your faux-hawk grow out to unforseen
proportions so that now you're spiking a random row of hair in the middle of
your head while otherwise your side-hair is hanging down around your ears. EW,
stop, cut it, then revisit the look.
The same night I spotted this otherwise attractive young man wearing a matching
Hawaiian shorts-and-T-shirt outfit. Clearly, his idiot-girlfriend dressed him
because I don't believe a straight man would ever dream of wearing a shirt with
matching red tropical flowers. It was just so WRONG.