Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Little Less "Hippie", a Little More Hip-Bone



Okay yes it’s true! Me and Mary Kate have been tapped to be the new face of Calvin Klein, quit hounding us! Of course MK isn’t as stoked as I am about the whole thing, as you can see by this ultra-candid paparazzi shot. Apparently she takes issue with the fact I told some paparazzi where we would be to sign the contract. But in my defense I figured this was the best way to avoid having someone hit our car. I do not want to almost die like Lohan or SJo; I’m not going out like Princess Di I tell you!
Calvie – that’s what I call him now – insists we drop about 30 pounds between the two us because when he says we’re the new “face” of CK he means it. JUST the face. Nothing disgusting like body fat to get in the way of our skull and bone structure. I don’t really mind avoiding carbs, fats and proteins for a few weeks but me and MK refuse to stop drinking! What’s a little liver-bloat among friends right?! Airbrush it Calvie, what do you think that was invented for?
Apparently Ashley’s a little pissed about how much time me and MK are spending now that we’re model-buddies, but I told her not to despair. So to make up for all the times I had to cancel our weekly coffee-and-colonic dates we spent last night together. Just the two of us. And some people on a red carpet.
Bitch is always trying to out trout-pout me. I sure showed her, I injected blow-fish venom into my lips just before we headed out. Boy did she look stupid.

19 Comments:

Blogger home business said...

First reactions to Ulin
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5:06 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Why does this keep happening?
I feel like I should don a white-see-through tank top and scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?!"
A la JLoHew in that slasher movie.

5:16 PM  
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5:21 PM  
Blogger n.v. said...

Flesh, that scene where she screams out into nothing is really embarrassing. I remember my asshole puckered in the theatre at the godawful melodrama of it all.

5:26 PM  
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5:34 PM  
Blogger shoe_luver2000 said...

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5:44 PM  
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A hat tip to the Babies and Toddlers page on About.com for this article about the KIDS Account, a proposed plan floating around Congress that would grant every newborn in the United States a $500 trust fund at ...
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5:56 PM  
Blogger vivahate said...

Flesh, get my gun.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8:26 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Now I know what the paparazzi-stalked stars must feel like. I will never jest again.

8:34 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

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8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Kiddo,

Here's Why it PAYS to be a JERK!

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8:55 PM  
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8:57 PM  
Blogger sixshooter said...

WELCOME BACK, Flesh! We missed you. (And nice to meet you , Rock Snob.)

Don't ya just love the ads that comment on your site?

(FYI - I think your nipples are showing through your shirt in that pic, Flesh. You might want to be more careful next time -- I know how sensitive you are about people seeing your chest.)

:)

7:20 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Thanks beeyatch!
Under normal circumstances I would hate those ads but part of me likes to pretend they're all comments and we're just super duper popular.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Egan said...

Man, these stupid spammers have something against you and Rock Snob. I have never seen so many damn spam comments on one post before. I blame Bush. Glad to have you back Flesh.

5:01 PM  
Blogger swirlogirl said...

your lips sure are juicy flesh!

6:49 PM  
Blogger Ruben said...

This one had me in tears. Good job!

6:43 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

thanks Egan, I'm back and blacker than ever.
It's the venom Swirl, otherwise they're more average.
Why spank you Ruben!

12:06 AM  

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