Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Office Dance Party

Office Straight Boy, listening to some god-awful death-metal band: “Isn’t this exactly what people on coke sound like?”
Me: “I don’t know what people on coke sound like.”
Him: “This.”
Me: “okay.”
In my head: remind me never to do coke.

Straight men are funny aren’t they? Not to suggest that ghey men or women of all types can’t be weird as well, because they sure can. But I feel like only someone who has grown up being privileged by gender would think that because he sat at the computer with the stereo he gets to pick the music we all listen to. It’s kind of like when my dad is driving on road trips and he thinks he also gets to dictate what we listen to. Luckily my mother, sister and I manage to come together at these moments to assure him he’s just the driver. Then the three of us sing out loud to Jagged Little Pill while he silently sobs.

Whenever anyone else in the office selects music they always ask if the choice is appropriate or if anyone has a better suggestion. Not this guy. This guy likes death-metal and he wants us to know about it.

Finally the ear-bleeding music ended and he begins to change the disk and says: “You like Nirvana right?”
And not that I don’t enjoy Nirvana in its time and place but I had to be all: “Actually can we listen to something not depressing? I have the Cure in my disk-man.”
To which a great cheer of approval erupted from the various women and Co-Worker/Faggot in the office. An Office Dance Party and sing-along ensued to which Office Straight Boy stared at us blankly. The ironic thing being that the Cure are just as depressing, but it’s depression you can groove to and that’s the kind of sad I can get on board with.

About the time the Love cats blasted through the speakers we all pretty much agreed that this was the kind of song that existed in your shoulders, because you couldn’t help but do a little shoulder-shuffle and jazz-hands to it.

Finally, Co-Faggot says: “Robert Smith is the best.”
To which even Office Straight Boy had to agree.
I responded with: “It’s all about the lipstick I think.”
So of course, to reassert that even though he does enjoy some Cure he’s still straight, Office Straight Boy was quick to say: “not for me.”
In my head I was thinking: who said anything about you? We’re talking about ROBERT SMITH and HIS lipstick.
“Well at least he’s given you some options.” Was all I could think to respond with.

God, sometimes guys who are so quick to defend their heterosexuality – especially when it’s not even being questioned – make me want to bat my eye lashes and pantomime a blowjob.


Blogger swirlogirl said...

could robert smith make depression any more fun! i totally want to dance like im in a musical to love cats bahaa.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Gwen said...

Word, word, effing word on every single point.

3:55 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Flesh, I just want you to know, dude, that even though I read your blog I'm totally straight and shit.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Ed Grow said...

Yes, straight guys are total morons. But they are so hot. It is not fair. I demand a recount. Love!

9:10 PM  
Blogger vivahate said...

yournamehere, you better watch out, you can totally catch gay by reading this blog.

12:07 AM  
Blogger Egan said...

I have a ton of gay/ghey friends in case you are wondering. In fact I have a few gay siblings too. None of them like death metal music.

3:08 AM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

It is my firmly held belief that the gheyz cannot like bad music, unless you count Cher. The number of faggots that like Cher makes me want to cry.

11:27 AM  
Blogger vivahate said...

Barbara Streisand? Liza Minelli?

....Shall I go on?

1:11 PM  
Blogger Rob Danger said...

Fiz-ine the gheyz have historically had horrid taste in music. YOU WIN DAMN YOU!

3:07 PM  
Blogger sixshooter said...

Having ridden both sides of the fence, I know that one of the problems is that most straight guys don't dance ... so dance music is completely written off. Unless you can play air guitar to it, it's not cool.

And the gheys and their icons ... I don't get it.

But to avoid stereotyping, there are always exceptions to each.

10:11 AM  

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