Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The story of the Mean Queens




It was a sunny, July day. Rock Snob and Flesh were sitting at nearby tables in a local Los Angeles cafe, sipping frappuccinos, when the tranquill scene was ruined by Shannen Doherty's car smashing through the front window! Apparently, the employees had forgotten the cinnamon on Ms. Doherty's latte the other day. The federalies were looking for witnesses, and with Flesh's previous drug charges and Rock Snob's less than upstanding repuation with the CIA, the two cut a deal to help nail Ms. Doherty. From there, a deep, spiritual bond was created between the two, based on catty, cold-hearted, bitchiness and frappuccinos.


FLESH VON WINTOOR


Name: Fleshburt Thurston the 12th von Wintoor

Background: The von Wintoor’s are a very famous family, as we are 37th in line for the Denmarkian throne. But most people know me as son of the first woman ever to be kicked off a reality TV show for making too much of a spectacle of herself. Ever since birth I have been fighting to get the paparazzi to chase after me.

Status: Washed out starlet/coke addict; possibly royalty

Blogs About: Life in the fast-lane and my various famous BFFs.

Why Blog: Because US Weekly and People stopped returning my calls for the inside scoop into my life.

Pet Peeves: US Weekly and People.

Likes: Vicodin, Percocet, uppers, downers, blue ones, green ones, alcohol.

Duties: party-favor

How did you first know you were a homosexual? I guess it was around the time Ricky Martin started hitting on me. At first I was intrigued, as any young impressionable lad would be; we almost consummated our courtship, until I realized it was all an elaborate ruse to get me to join Menudo 2.0. After that, Ricky and I were through, but my love for the wang blazed on.

ROCK SNOB

Name: Rock Snob/Rachel

Status: Evil bitch

Background: Growing up in a strict, nun-run, all-girls Catholic school, Rachel grew a deep hatred for women, religion and society in general. She has married three times, all ending in tragedy, with her billionaire husbands all meeting an "unfortunate" death. Since inheriting her husbands' fortunes, she has shifted her interests away from marriage and towards blogging and Machiavellianism.

Blogs about: Anything I want, peons.

Why blog: In hopes of creating a giant on-line fan base who will aid me in my pending usurpation of world powers. That, and boredom.

Pet peeves: People who stand in the way of my usurpation of world powers; cats; authority; men in capes and/or tights; blondes.

Likes: Power; General destruction; bitch slaps; contraptions of slow and unneccessary death; men in suits/cages; puppies.

Duties: "Eliminating" the competition; fashion mavenry; critisizing blonde starlets; keeping Flesh off the coke and booze.

How did you first know you were a homosexual: I KNEW ONLY FAGGOTS CAME TO THIS BLOG.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Percocet Side Effects said...

My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.

I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Monica Stone

3:25 PM  

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